The Greatest Act of Love is Sacrifice
by Brucas4Evah
Summary: BL • Stepping closer to the mirror the brooder looked deeply into it,trying to figure out what he was seeing and whether he liked whom he saw.“This is it,Lucas! Almost married to Peyton. All what you wished for!"“Is it?” a hidden voice asked him • Post S6
1. Letters

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**The Greatest Act of Love is Sacrifice**

"_Sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of the one you love, is by far, the truest type of love."_

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• **Disclaimer** •

So I've finally found time to post this fanfic. Obviously none of the characters mentioned in my fanfic belong to me. It seems like Marky boy is the right owner of them all together with CW. Well I actually don't care even what's whos and why as long as I can tell this story so sew me!

But first I'm going to tell you this Brucas story

_(PS. For my "the Simple Game" readers I've got good news since I'm completely rewriting the whole story and a new update or should I say updates will be posted by this Friday)_

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Enjoy!

CHAPTER 1 - **LETTERS**

_Ouverture_

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"You look beautiful!" a raspy voice replied from behind Peyton's back. Smiling, the blonde turned away from the mirror, lifting her white dress so she could face her best friend.

"I'm way too fat for this dress and still you managed to get me in it somehow." Peyton laughed coming closer. Both friends were standing in front of each other and watched themselves struggle to say anything else.

Somehow their smiles disappeared.

_Sigh_

"I'm really sorry he's gone, Brooke." Peyton finally admitted, lifting her eyes from the ground and trying to find any kind of answer in Brooke's eyes, that were desperately trying to avoid the subject.

"Don't!" she quickly replied, "It was me-"

She wanted to say something more, to add the unknown to let it all go, but just remembering her last month's actions made the pain come back stronger than she ever expected.

Peyton placed her hands compassionately on Brooke's bare shoulders, trying to find an eye contact with her friend who was still uncomfortable by the turn of the conversation. "It's okay to miss him!" was echoing in her ears before the two found themselves in a powerful hug.

"_It's okay."_

Peyton watched Brooke snap out of her grip and slowly run out of the room. Shaking her head by her best friend's mindless behavior, she felt a slight pain and guilt that Brooke still felt pain after Julian's departure. Once again Brooke was broken, and it was somehow her fault as well because she didn't stop Brooke in time, she wasn't there to protect her heart. After her accident a few months ago Lucas decided he would be there for her and look after her personally so he decided to stop with the movie as his 6 months pact with Julian passed. The young movie producer had no other choice than to listen to the creator's choice and stop the whole project. He and Brooke found themselves in a difficult situation and, after a rejection of his sudden proposal, he left without any other notification. Peyton still couldn't understand why Julian had to propose so suddenly or why he and Davis didn't just work things out, both of them seemed to be _so_ happy with each other after all.

As Brooke was running through the countless rooms that didn't seem to stop, she was trying to stop the irrepressible tears from ruining her make-up. This was the happiest day of her two best friends' lives and all she could feel was a heartbreak devouring her mind. She slowly opened the bathroom door and stepped carefully inside, locking the door. Without moving further she let her back fall against the hard door and slid down to the floor, covering her eyes with her hand. Why was life this cruel? Why did all this had to be screwed up so much?

The sudden knocking made her jump up.

"Brooke! Are you in there!?" She pressed herself against another wall, hoping the blonde guy on the other side would just go away. No strings attached. She hoped she could just disappear right here and right now. Forever.

"Brooke! I know you're in there! Are you okay? Open the door!"

Even though the only thing she could feel was the crawling silence stabbing her every time he stopped speaking, she noticed some kind of urge in his voice. "Coming!" she yelled after a while opening the tap and letting the soft water flow so she could clean her face. Washing away all these tears felt not only refreshing but it also somehow gave her renewing courage to face the world. _"Courage"_ she smirked to her own reflection. _"Like you still have something like that in you."_ Avoiding the speaking illusion in the mirror, she hasty took the mascara out of her purse and started redoing her make-up. Letting out one last sigh out, she slowly opened the door.

"You were saying?" she asked with a smile like nothing happened, and she leaned against the door as she closed it. Lucas turned around as his eyes quickly analyzed the frightened girl in front of him, clearly not buying her fake smile. He stepped closer and let his hand tenderly lift her chin.

"Were you crying?" he asked, staring deep into her beautiful hazel eyes while his hand stroked its way to her cheek. Caught up in his gaze, she wished he didn't make her look weaker, but it was inevitable how his soft touch could make her lose herself. She quickly broke the connection and pulled back, and he seemed unsure as to what her eyes were trying to tell him. She just seemed so lost and insecure and way too vulnerable.

Brooke wished that she just could tell everyone what a big mess she was in and how fouled up her life was at the moment, but instead she pulled off another smile, "You wanted to speak to me?"

He was somehow shocked by her subtly changing tone. "Yeah...Brooke, are you okay? I saw you hopelessly running through the crowd, and then you vanished into a room somewhere. It's obvious that you have been crying, and now you're acting like nothing happened!?"

Brooke's eyes searched escape once again. She felt bad that her manners and habits were so reckless and that people were seeing right through her. "I'm sorry I'm ruining your wedding-" a scratchy voice whispered back unsure what to do anymore.

Lucas gripped both her shoulders, wanting to shake some sense into her, "Brooke, you're much more important to me than this wedding." A statement which cost both of them a shocked reaction.

She removed his hands from her and put one of her own hands on the area where his heart should be located, whispering lightly "Thank you...for everything."

Placing a soft kiss on his cheek and she made her way outside, while Lucas slowly rubbed the place that still felt warm after her kiss, only his eyes watched her leave.

He stepped inside the abandoned bathroom and after a quick examination he saw a mirror across the room. Stepping closer he looked deeply into it, trying to figure out what he was seeing and whether he liked whom he saw in it. "This is it, Lucas! This is all what you ever wished for.", his lips mumbled. _"Is it?"_ his sub-conscience abruptly added.

Opening the tab, his eyes noticed a small purse which Brooke must have accidentally left. He took in his hands a tube of lip-gloss, a small wallet, and a little book that had fallen on the ground because the hasty owner clearly not only forgot the purse but also forgot to close it. While he bent over and started putting the contents back inside, an envelope suddenly escaped from the book and fell on the ground. He picked it up and saw his address on the backside. The paper enclosure was covering a crumpled letter inside. Trying to respect Brooke's privacy he opened the notebook which appeared to be Brooke's diary in order to put the letter where it belonged, but what he found were another three letters, all of which were addressed to him as well. He lifted his head, and, after giving himself a confirmed nod that nobody was watching, he closed the bathroom door.

•••••• BRUCAS ••••••

As soon as the door opened, Brooke gasped for the fresh air. Away from the church. She needed to breathe again, and it was impossible for her with all those people and him inside. She crossed the street and made her way to a bench in the middle of the park.

Just as she sat down, she saw Sam coming over to her. "Hey, are you okay, Brooke?" she asked while she sat down next to Brooke, putting her hand on her knee. Brooke looked at Sam, proud of the person sitting next to her. This teenager wasn't the same person she used to be, and she just couldn't help but smile while Sam's concerned eyes tried to figure if she should be worried.

"I love you, Sam, you know that?"

Those words made Sam unwillingly blush. She took Brooke's hand and gently squeezed it, giving her a comforting nod while she whispered the same words back.

•••••• BRUCAS ••••••

Lucas was racing from one room to another trying to chase the dying trail of her sweet strawberry perfume. Everywhere were people, family and friends, all gathered for this special day. Nathan came to him, and Lucas let his hand with Brooke's purse and the letters disappear behind his back. "Hey, what's up?"

Lucas looked over his shoulder still trying to analyze the crowd, looking for the girl in a red dress.

"Have you seen Brooke?" He asked.

Nathan looked at him slightly shocked "Yeah she's outside with Sam. I hope you're not planning on doing anything stupid?" Nathan asked, pushing him back. Lucas ignored his words and went outside. He saw the two girls sitting on a bench looking at each other and let his feet walk in their direction while he yelled "Brooke!" to get her attention.

Brooke wished that she never let her eyes follow that voice. "Brooke!" kept echoing in her ears while she ran over to Lucas. His body lying on the ground before the car that had just hit and didn't dare to move. Though he was unconscious his hand was still holding the book and letters very firmly.

She fell to the ground next to him while an unstoppable ray of tears fell on his shirt which was red due to the flowing amount of blood.

"Someone! Call an ambulance!" she yelled tenderly wrapping her hand around his and lifted his body closer while her tears mixed with the red liquid.

• **Dedication** •

I dedicate this whole Chapter to Kitty!

Thank you Kasey for being such an amazing beta and editor. We both know you deserve a freaking statue, but this is the most I can give to you.

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• **Alber's note** •

Well ... thanks for all of you for reading this as well. If you enjoyed reading the first chapter I strongly advice to read the second as well.

Nope, I'm not advertising. Just putting you in the right direction ^_^

Now, don't be lazy and click that review button and tell me what parts suck and what should be rewritten to boost my kick-ass-self-esteem!

R+E+V+I+E+W =

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	2. Silent Lights

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**The Greatest Act of Love is Sacrifice**

_Love is a challenge, love is a dream, Love is a game, true love is like cream,_

_but above all _

_Love is still a sacrifice_

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• **Disclaimer** •

I don't own any of the lyrics posted here. One Tree Hill or any of these character aren't my property as well. I love quotes and use them all the time and everywhere. This chapter is probably full of it, but those aren't mine either ... _hmm_ ... maybe a few.

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Enjoy!

• **Author's note **•

Thanks everyone for the awesome response! I loved it! Seriously! You know that warm fuzzy feeling when your hearts starts twinkling and you feel like there is not enough air? Well, I think I'm in love with your reviews.

Everyone knows there are crazy people in the world, there are also crazy writers and there are certainly crazy ways to write. I don't know where I belong, but I always write my stories backwards. I know, WTF!? It's actually quite intriguing and I like it so enough reason for me. Another thing I constantly do is put on a nice song that inspires me to write and play it over and over again.

Well ... the whole chapter is written while I was listening to these two songs and there might be one thing I'd love you to do. Listen to the song when you read this chapter! You don't have the song? No problem! Either you can write a small review or simply put down you name so I know who to send it to and I'll give you a link to download the song every time I'll write a new chapter (the author rights never actually bothered be, sorry if you do. life is a bitch) or you can just open a new tab, Youtube it and continue reading with awesome background music. Be warned! Youtube Quality sucks ass though! Mark sucks ass too!

It might be a bit difficult to understand this part since this is dream sequence, _woops_ there goes my first spoiler, but try to go with flow the world of imagination and most of your questions will be answered at the end.

I'd like to recall this chapter as Brucas manipulation. Soon your brain will be filled with nothing else than BL love.

_Muhahahaa_

**w****o**_**OW!?**

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CHAPTER 2 - **SILENT LIGHTS**

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•••

_How can you say your life is empty_

_So late in the day_

_Why would you stay another second_

_Now your sight got in the way_

_A combination_

_Of love and aggression_

_Another second lived_

Paint the Silence - South

•••

Silence. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over. The ones who don't understand the silence will probably never understand the great meaning and power that hides behind it. Power to answer to all of our questions. Power to give our souls great strength and the power to never give up hope. Power to help you get over a loss and the power to find new meaning in life. There are times when silence has the loudest voice. And when this voice finally overpowers our mind fully, we shall find peace. We shall hear angels. We shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds.

Lucas woke up! Opening his eyes the ceiling appeared to be coming closer and closer to him little by little. He stood up slowly and examined the snow white room in which he found himself captured. Everything was so white and so pure. No windows, no doors, and certainly no furniture except for the couch, which was obviously made of _white_ leather, were present in the room. He slowly stood up and walked in the direction of the wall before him. Touching it with his finger, cold chills ran down his spine. Frostbite!

Even though the wall was icy cold, he let his head rest on it, and, while he was struggling to find his breath, his fist smashed hard against the wall out of desperation. The pain in his arms as a result of his foolish attempt spread slowly to the frigid body and he sighed as black hopelessness surrounded him.

"Those walls are real you know."

Laughter.

Unsure he turned his head in the direction of the voice that not only came out of the blue but also scared Lucas more than ever. Looking at a young teenage girl who was sitting on a bench, his jaw simply dropped. How did she get in here? Taking a closer look, he realized he knew her. This was the girl Brooke fostered. _What was her name again? _Still astonished, he stood leaning against the wall trying to process what had just happened.

The girl was still carefully looking at him with a huge grin on her face, "Don't you worry...It's okay that you don't remember my name." She walked over to him, his eyes were closed tightly, scared of the confrontation. "I'm Sam," her friendly voice added, trying to comfort him.

What was this? Could she read his thoughts? Why was she here? What was this here? Maybe most important of all, how did she get here? All these questions were overflowing his mind and he felt as if he were drowning in his incomprehension.

Silently, opening his eyes, he slipped away. He knew nothing about her, not even her name a few moments ago. It wasn't the fact that she was here that scared him the most; it was the fact he could not understand how he got here. "How did we get here?" he finally asked, realizing the ghost before him wasn't leaving anytime soon.

She started quietly laughing at him. His goofy and awkward attitude combined with panic was even funnier than she thought it would be.

Trying to reassure him that everything was going to be okay, she stepped closer to him again but trapped him in the corner of the room this time so he couldn't escape again. Frightened and anxious eyes met her bright sparkling ones. "Why do you ask me if you already know the answer?" she replied with a giggle.

Lucas looked at her, not understanding if he should still be terror-stricken or just confused now. She didn't make any sense to him...at all! She stepped back and revealed a door behind her. With a puzzled look he glanced first at Sam and then at the door. Back at Sam trying at least to find out how this was possible and back at the red door again that slowly opened revealing bright shining light behind it that didn't give away what was happening in the second room. "What is all of this?" He asked with a shaky voice "Am I dreaming? Am I dead?"

Both of them looking in the direction of the open door, Sam replied "I don't know if you're dreaming or if you're dead, but one thing is certain..." She turned her head and faced him once again, "You came here for a reason."

Lucas stopped looking at the red door as well, feeling somehow relieved that Sam didn't know everything as well and scared that nothing was absolute in here his attention was fully dedicated to her now, "What reason!?"

She smiled at him again, seeing that he felt much more relaxed now than a few moments ago when he had probably experienced more in one minute than in his entire life before. It was funny and naive to think it stopped here though. "Because you're lost."

But her smile didn't stay tuned for that long, "Or actually because you've lost."

"What did I lose?" The frivolous reaction was just what Sam expected it to be; he had absolutely no clue what she was talking about, and, letting out a sigh, she took his hand and pulled him towards the door, "Let's find out...I'll give you a moment of clarity."

Both of them stepped through the luminous light which made him close his eyes again so that blindness wouldn't take over. With his eyes shut he suddenly heard a roar of the crowd out of nowhere, a true echo of the final buzzer, and the cheers of a team all surrounding him, and it all unexpectedly stopped, what remained in that bizarre moment was silence. He didn't know if this was possible, but he didn't care anymore. He was standing in the gym of Tree Hill High School. This was the state championship, and it seemed like someone had just rewound his life and paused it.

"You remember your moment, right?" Sam asked with a husky voice. He simply nodded, and she pointed to the center of the gym, "You see that girl over there?" Lucas looked closer as she administered and saw a blond boy holding his girlfriend in his arms. "Who is that girl, Lucas?" she asked.

He looked at her out of a balance. "That's Peyton," he answered, trying not to give the teenager the answer what she was trying to get out of him.

She smiled once again, letting him know his answer was wrong, "I know who she is and so do you...but who is she for you?"

Lucas took another look at Peyton, "That's the girl whose art, passion, and beauty had changed my life."

"Changed your life?" she deviously smirked "... Good. Can you tell me who this is then, standing right behind you?"

Lucas turned around, and, for a second, he wished he never had. A frightened brunette was standing at the door looking right in the middle of the gym at the same couple he'd been staring at just a few moments ago. Sadness and hurt were filled her eyes with because she was probably right when she told Lucas that he'd end up with Peyton anyway. He realized how much he must have hurt her, jumping into a relationship with her best friend and opening up the fresh wound in her heart that never got a chance to heal and would probably never go away now - torturing her till the end of the days. Why did he had to realized only now how his selfishness must have crushed Brooke completely because just a few days before, he was doing everything possible to win her back. He understood here and now what a fool he was for giving up hope on her, thinking that she'd never accept him anymore. He realized he should have listened to what her heart was telling him when she caught him and Rachel that one night in his car. _"Fight for me"_ She told him she wanted him to do it for her, and he failed at that simple test because his egoistic and narrow-minded head couldn't understand what her pure heart was whispering him. The most painful part now was that he couldn't even remember why he had given everything they shared up so fast.

Seeing Brooke at the door, fully broken from inside, he wanted to go over to her and explain what he had done. Her being so vulnerable was killing him, and he wanted to do anything he could to save her, but he couldn't...Slowly the noise of cheering people faded back, and then everything started moving again. He saw Brooke slowly wiping a crystal tear away and quickly closing the gym door as she tried to escape the awful burning picture.

"Brooke!" Lucas yelled and ran after her, trying to catch her before she could escape thorugh the door.

Slamming it open, he rushed inside but found himself back in the white room. "Brooke!" he shouted again, but nothing but silence replied. Turning around he saw that the door he had just come through had already disappeared. Nothing but the white walls were around him again. He found himself seized in an empty room again.

Alone.

_You'll find it hiding in shadows_

_You'll find it hiding in cupboards_

_It will walk you home safe every night_

_It will help you remember_

_If that's the way it is_

_Then that's the way it is_

_You are the bluest light_

"Are you still coming?" Sam complained, leaning against another door on Lucas' right side. Maybe for the first time, his heart felt overjoyed at seeing her, and he eagerly walked to her. "What did just happen?"

Ha wanted to go to the next room already. Find Brooke. Find out what stupid things he hadn't noticed earlier, yet that scared him most of all. Already stepping through the light again, he felt a small hand pushing further again his chest. "You still didn't answer my question. What did Brooke mean to you?"

Thinking of Brooke felt worse than ever now. Now that he knew what bad things he had done, he could never look at her with the same eyes, and he wondered how this selfless person still managed to keep talking to him or even keep in touch. Thinking of Brooke made him think of the day the two of them came to the River Court right after getting back together. He had told her she was the biggest part of his world and yet he failed in his own words. He failed at showing her what she really meant to him, and even though he wanted to believe it wasn't his fault, but rather Keith's death and his HCM that made him lose her, he knew that there was just one person to blame. That person was standing in this room now.

"Everything."

Sam nodded, and they proceeded to the next room...

This time they were in a cafe in New York. It didn't take him long to remember it because this was the place where he met his editor who helped him to publish his book. Sam made him face her again while his memories where slowly coming back to him.

"Say...when all your dreams come true, it's the greatest moment of your life...Who's standing next to you?"

Lucas tried to remember where he had heard those words before. A flash of him and Peyton passed through his mind. He suddenly remembered that at the state championship, the game he had just seen back a few moments ago, Brooke was the one who came to him and jumped into his arms to congratulate him. He also remembered her giving him her blessing with Peyton. The moment he agreed on it, he had killed the tiniest bit of hope that was still inside of him after Whitey's speech about true love. Lucas had been thinking about that speech the whole night, trying to figure out when it went wrong. Just a pity he realized it now. No love is the same in this world. True love is a hard struggle between two people who give each other their hearts unconditionally, and, even when others don't understand, they keep caring about each other. Love is never easy. Why did he realize, only now, that trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met? It was impossible. Thinking further, his mind brought him back to the memories of Brooke and him celebrating their success on this night.

The environment slowly changed, and Sam pointed once again to the crowd. "In exactly three seconds, a girl is gonna appear to meet this blond guy at the bar." Lucas saw himself waiting at the bar for his drink and a waitress leaving him a note that a friend from New York was here to visit him. Sam and both the present and past Lucas looked at the beautiful brunette who appeared from behind the dissolving crowd. Chocolate locks stealing all the attention in the room as the ruby earrings swayed back and forth. "You might not have noticed, but this is one of the moments when your dream came true." Lucas simply nodded as he figured out what Sam meant. She was right. The stupid ass he was he never even thought about it.

Like someone had pushed the fast-forward button, he saw them going to her house, talking about Peyton, getting wasted at some café with the taste of sparkling champagne, pretending to be engaged, and the carriage ride. Finally it slowed down when both of them arrived at his hotel room. Lucas saw himself sitting on a bed and suddenly leaning in and capturing her lips. He tried to remember what it tasted like. That was probably the last time he ever kissed her, and, touching his own lips, he wanted to remember the soft cherry taste of her glossy lips. Suddenly he saw Brooke pull back, and a look of in disgust himself as he started to talk about Peyton. Drunk or not, Lucas Scott was a jerk; he knew that for sure now. Didn't he care at all about her feelings? "You probably won't see me for a while" sounded in his ears as she exited the room. This time he didn't have to chase her because the scenery itself changed, and Sam and Lucas found themselves on the other side of the hotel room wall as Brooke slowly slid down on the floor, leaning against the wall. A storm of tears was running down her porcelain face, drenching the whole dress while she covered her face with two hands. Lucas' heart felt as if it was being torn apart as he watched this pretty girl cry on the floor. He sat down on the floor next to her and wished that there was at least something he could do, something he could say, but, feeling absolutely hopeless and knowing he couldn't see him now, tears appeared in his eyes as well. Sam came from right behind him and placed her hand on his shoulder, "Don't worry...She's much stronger than you think."

Before those words were spoken, Lucas and Sam were in a new place. Looking to his left, he saw Victoria, Brooke's mother, sitting on the couch with the first draft for the B. Davis magazine. This was Brooke's house in NY again, and everyone in the room looked at the door as they suddenly heard someone turning the lock. "Tell me you're not getting married to that snob" was the first thing that broke the frigid silence. He saw Brooke and Victoria arguing and Brooke reassuring her mother she wasn't getting married as everything faded.

"Lucas Scott is the one boy I might have lost it for" were the last words he heard as everything became white in front of him again as he realized he was standing in front of the white wall again.

Lucas looked at Sam still with lonely tears in his eyes from what he'd seen.

"I'm not sure you really want to go further than this because it might change more than you think," Sam said, looking down at him.

Lucas stood up slowly and shook his head. "I'm sure...I have to know everything I've done."

Sam sighed and both of them walked to another wall.

"Don't tell me I didn't warn you..."

She took a piece of red chalk that was lying on the floor and drew a rectangle in the form of a door. "...You didn't hurt her this time though."

Good or bad?

"Come," she said, stepping through the rectangle.

Lucas started scanning through the objects in the room, trying to figure out where they were. "This is Peyton's old bedroom," he told her as he looked at the picture of an angry bulldog.

Turning his head he saw a closet door with a few names written under Brooke's and Peyton's names. An unexpected smile appeared on his face as he saw his name under Brooke's. He turned around as he saw Brooke coming inside the room and Peyton coming out of her huge closet. Guilt was obvious in Peyton's face as she asked Brooke where she slept. Brooke was noticeably heated in the presence of her friend, "My car. See, I had this horrible dream last night that my best friend told me she had feelings for my boyfriend. Oh, but that wasn't a dream, was it?"

Lucas' heart stopped as he saw Peyton shaking her head slowly, confirming the information. Brooke sighed, bringing a hand closer to her chest as she tried to hold herself together, "I cannot believe this is happening again." Now more than ever, Lucas understood the reason behind Brooke breaking up with him. He thought it was all about him, but, seeing Peyton being as selfish as himself, he felt even worse than the earlier nausea.

"It's not, okay! It's not, it's just the last time-" He could hear Peyton replying. It didn't take long to hear the raspy, furious voice snapping back as Brooke's hand was slamming against the door. "The last time? Do you hear yourself right now? The last time you tried to steal my boyfriend? He's on the door, Peyton! He's on the damn door under ME!"

As her hand slammed the last time against the door, the whole place exploded. Opening his eyes a few moments later, Lucas saw a vague silhouette of Sam, and, feeling her hand helping him get up, he sat down next to her on the couch that was still in the middle of the room, the only object remaining in the room.

Getting his sight fully, he saw millions of broken pieces of a mirror on the floor. "What is this?" He quietly asked, picking up a piece but letting it fall immediately on the ground as he felt the sharp shape cutting his finger.

"These, my friend, are the millions of broken pieces that represent Brooke's heart." She bent down to pick up the piece that he had just dropped. "Every one of them shows a moment where you or Peyton broke her heart."

Sam picked up the piece he dropped and showed him while he was sucking on his finger, both of them could see Brooke in Peyton's room once again, but this one was from the moment when Brooke found out her boyfriend and best friend had been sneaking around behind her back.

"Stop it!" he said as he pushed the piece away. "I can't take it anymore!"

"I know..." she nodded, "even watching from aside all this breaks my heart. I don't even want to know how it feels to be in the middle of it, but if you really didn't want to know, there wouldn't be a door on the other side," she pointed with her eyes to another red door.

Getting up they walked through the mass of broken silver glass reflecting countless moments filled with pain and sorrow.

"Open it," she demanded, and he pulled at the door handle, but, pushing it, he realized it was locked.

"Don't force it...open it," she repeated.

"How!?" he asked confused, but all he got out of her was "You know how! You created this place."

He looked at the door again and closed his eyes. The first thing that flashed through his mind was...Brooke, a dark street, his house, evening...

"I miss the girl behind the red door."

Still standing with his eyes closed and remembering the moment, he felt a soft hand taking his and pulling him inside. Opening his eyes, he found himself at the River Court. This was the place about which he cared the most, the place where he grew up, and where he learned almost everything. The place where he always found himself when he was having problems. He was standing in the middle of that place now, but nothing about it mattered. She was standing in front of him with a light smile on her face while the breeze played with her hair. It took some time before he realized they were holding hands. He just kept looking at her, sinking in her beautiful hazel eyes, scared to say anything to break the moment they were sharing. What should he say? What could he say? Nothing could ever explain what he was feeling right now. There are times when silence has the loudest voice. And when this voice will finally overpower our mind fully, we shall find peace. We shall see angels and we shall see them sparkling in the sky.

"Dreams are like stars. You may never touch them, but, if you follow them, they will lead you to your destiny." She finally spoke and looked down at the ground, breaking the silent stare. "I can't control my destiny, no one can; I am who I am. There's only now and here. There is only: give in to love or live in fear. There is no other path, no other way. No other day...it's just today."

With these words she leaned in and the light touch of the ardent lips spread through his body.

"Goodbye, Lucas Scott..."

She unlocked her hands, and everything started to blur again, the distance between them growing bigger and bigger. He tried hopelessly to run to her and touch her hand as the tiny fingers were waving at him for the last time, crying her name out loud in the darkness, but, before he even knew it, he was standing in the same old white room again. He turned his head, looking for Sam.

"Why did you do that?" he asked.

Sam came over to him and showed a sad smile. "I didn't do anything. This is your dream. This is what you wanted."

He stepped back in disbelief, "That's not true...I love her; I'd never want to go away from her."

Sam sighed again and continued sadly, "You already did...when you chose to call Peyton at the airport."

Still angry, Lucas looked at her, "If this is my dream, how come you're in it? I've never spoken to you in my entire life, nor do I know you."

Sam laughed for the last time. "That's exactly why you wanted me here. Right now you're in the hospital in a coma. You just survived a severe car crash, and the last people you saw before the car hit were me and Brooke. Someone hit you. You have to go back now ... there are people waiting for you, people who love you and need you in their lives."

She helped him to lie back on the white couch, and he closed his eyes. Slowly his body disappeared, and Sam found herself alone in the room.

"Just a pity you'll never remember _this_."

•••••• BRUCAS ••••••

A brunette sitting on a chair squeezing some blond brooder's hand, was trying to wake him up so that he could come back to her. Candle lights, flowers, and different photos were all around them. This should work! But it didn't. Feeling her cell buzz again in her purse, she took it out and desperately looked at it. Looking at Lucas, who still had to wake up from his coma, made her even more helpless, knowing it was her fault he was at this place right now.

She stood up and, putting some things back in her purse, closed the cell. "I won't be gone that long," she said and walked to the door.

"Brooke…" a quite male voice echoed in her ears as she reached for the door handle.

_____________

• **Dedication** •

I dedicate this whole Chapter to Mark!

In your face you pathetic son of a bitch, If you want to make a moment of clarity at least do it right! Now I have to spent hours and hours cleaning up the mess you made of Lucas to redeem his character so we can accept him being with Brooke again.

Breaking off Leyton is an additional task I'll be happy to perform, but this might might take some time as well cause Albert hates rushed things.

Who the fuck is Albert? Ow yes ... I'm Albert!

**x**_**x**

• **Thank you!** •

_Maybe it's in my nature but I love to reply, so you're stuck with it!_

#1 PrincessOnyx aka Kitty!

You did an awesome job correcting all this crap again. I think if you're still okay with that statue idea we should totally go for it. I'm more then certain the Eiffel tower will be nothing compared with yours.

#2 Toddntan aka Lampy Todd

Dude! Stop it or you'll make me blush. Boolian? Eww! I hate that rushed crap Mark is serving us and I'm not settling for it. Sadly enough I will have to add a bit of them into this story to show they don't stand a chance even comparing against BL. Seyton + Emo tears is a MUST in every fic! I

&

Lucas has to go through an extreme make-over in this fic. I wont stand idiots next to Brooke.

#3 xnxdx

Haha well here is your explanation about the letters. I might admit I did it in a bit another way than usually expected, but something tells me you won't mind that?

#4 DANI OTH aka Dani

I love the Caps Lock. I don't know why but opening the review page my eyes immediately go down to your review. The next Chapters will be here in no time and so will the be the Sgame chapters. Dying to read your new fic btw!

#5 Cptime3000 aka Tiff

You don't owe me a thing sweetheart. ^_^ I'm doing my best on re-writing the Simple Game before the new update so that's gonna be alright. I can feel it! Some parts were really confusing _suckish _but I've doubled the word count in almost every chapter now. (_snow_ your support my dear!)

#6 Brucas10

I'm glad you loved it. Good starts are overrated though! It's all about the end of the story O_O

Totally not duh! It's about the journey and I hope you'll love where this is going to be heading.

#7 StepyLuvsBL4EVA

You loved the last chapter!? Hah! I think you'll adore this one then, at least I know I do even though that sounds like s-u-p-e-r pathetic. Seriously, how great some of the moments here o_O

#8 CherryAndBroody4eva

How ironic is it that Lucas actually even had a wedding.

Brooke's angst is actually a very delicious topic. Everyone loves it. I could keep going on about it all the time, but I gotta give other character a bit of star time as well.

Brooke is the girl and she'll get what she deserves though. Hope you liked the new update!

#9 BDavisLScott23 aka Michelle

Michelle you're way too smart for your own good. Why do I have even to tell a story when you already know the secrets behind it! I've got good news for you as well - Seyton is going down down DOWN! No emo bitches are required in BL life.

Who said the driver was reckless? _

#10 dianehermans

Wooohooo! I've got a reviewer from BLgium! My day was completly awesome when I saw that! Dankje dankje dankje! Nobody can resist the sexy flemish. Merci merci merci! Nor the sexy french!

I guess BLgium is just one sexy country after all.

#11 moonkisss

I really hate disappointing people and I hope that when I'm gonna tell you in the next sentence that Peyton didn't run over Lucas I hope you won't be upset. "Peyton didn't run over Lucas with her comet" I have enough plans toying around with her.

Mark can't stand Brucas cause we love them so much. His pathetic epic ass is still hooked with that doomed Pucas obsession.

#12 Princesakarlita411

Almost right! The correct word is O_OMG_osh_

_

* * *

  
_

• **Albert's note** •

So ... please don't freak out! I know I'm awesome. This chapter is one of my best so don't expect me to come up with all the cool stuff all the time. Everything from now on is written in the direction of Brucas reunion and there will be some retarded fillers where I have to write about Seyton.

Speaking about Peyton ... I almost forgot to mention. Whenever you like it or not this bitch it going down in this fic ... in any fic I'm ever going to write actually. Either it's a plain crashing on her head at the end or the gets tortured in Chinese barracks she won't survive. I'm sorry if you love her, but Albert hates the diseased hoe!

(If you have any original ideas for her death send away, the best one will be fulfilled)

Coming back on the chapter and the letters from the last chapter. The walls in the room represent the four letters Lucas read in that bathroom on his wedding day. Don't expect everything to be lovey dovy when Lucas wakes up. He's suffering from a light amnesia so he won't remember the dream right away or maybe he never will.

_____________

_If you're happy and you know it click review!_

_If you're silly and you know it click review!_

_If you're happy and you know it and you really want to show it,_

_Clicky clicky clicky clicky _click_ review!_

The new summer hit


	3. Jammed Flux

________________________________

**The Greatest Act of Love is Sacrifice**

_С__'est de le moment que j'ai vu toi que j'ai compris la beauté de la monde._

_It 's from the moment I saw you that I understood the beauty of the world._

______

• **Disclaimer** •

I don't own any of the lyrics posted here. One Tree Hill or any of these character aren't my property as well. I love quotes and use them all the time and everywhere, this chapter is probably full of it, but those aren't mine either... maybe a few though. I never intended to break any rules. I hate that I have to copy pate this useless text everywhere.

Schwan sucks. That's another fact.

&

Enjoy!

• **Author's note **•

Thanks for another amazing response and sorry I didn't update earlier, but I'm or I was in deep trouble till a few days ago. Recently my Macbook Pro fell of my bed while I was working on it and due the shock my hard drive stopped working. Ofcourse the lovely 'fortuna' was against me and since I didn't back up anything it that Seyton month cause my external drives were filled with great shows till the last mb, plus the fact that I was busy downloading season 3 of "Skins", which is a great show btw that's totally worth watching, I lost it all! Long story short I lost anything I have ever created the last 3 years and I fucking hate it, but this won't stop me from updating this story. I've already searched up any attachment I ever had in my mail to regain some valuable files but it's simply all lost.

I hate the most of all that I'm still unable to send the new version of "Simple Game" just because it was already finished and my lazy ass was too tired to send it to my beta Dani. I'll have to do it all over again and I've started a few hours ago already. If you haven't read "Simple Game", please don't do it yet.

As tarded as I was I forgot to send you all links last time to download the songs I used in my fanfic, but since I lost over 100gb music now I think you'll all have to use Youtube or Spotify if you want to listen to the background music I chose for you while you're reading the fic.

In this chapter we come back to the real world. Lucas is alive, he just woke up and Brooke is in the same room. Let's see what happens and if he's able to remember the dream. It's

an 'okay' chapter, nothing major, don't get your hopes up too high ... I see it as a filler for chapter 6, which will probably rock your world.

… and btw

Some of you asked me why Sam was there and the answer is pretty easy IMO_O. Sam and Brooke were the last two people Lucas saw before he was hit by a car. I didn't want to bring in Keith and Lucas seeing Brooke in his dream would cause massive apologize + sorry session filled with emo tears. I decided that Sam would be the best choice cause like this he would think more about what he did instead of concentrating on the long and late excuses.

_____________

CHAPTER 3 – **JAMMED** **FLUX **

_____________

_You were mother nature's son__  
__Someone to whom I could relate__  
__Your needle and your damage done__  
__Remains a sordid twist of fate__  
_  
A Song to Say Goodbye - Placebo

•••

There are many moments in life that can make it turn upside down. Some of them are nothing more than small actions that turn out to have the possibility to break what seems to be impossible, some to erase the inevitable. Anyway…all the changes, even the most longed for, are dolorous, what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves, but we must die to one life before we can enter another. Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfection. But unfortunately, although it seems to be true, it is much more difficult for us to accept. We cannot accept the truth, we suffer. Either it's a big change or a little twist; almost everything can trigger it if the timing is right.

Even one simple word.

_"Brooke"_ kept echoing in her ears, and for a second she wasn't sure if her eyes were betraying her again or if her mind was hopelessly wandering through another dream, being tangled in another illusion of despair. After turning around slowly, she was seeing him lie on the same bed, and everything seemed the same, yet nothing was the same anymore.

She knew it.

He knew it.

The whole room could see it.

His sparkling eyes were staring right through her fractured soul, and, after reestablishing the reasoning, she ran over to him and pulled him into a deep hug as he leaned forward to sit on his bed.

"Ow my God, I though I might never see you again," she whispered while tears were raining on his shoulder, drenching his nightgown. For the third time today Brooke was crying. But these tears were not filled with guilt. They weren't filled with sadness. These were tears of pure joy. The happiness of finding one of the lost pieces of her heart. Both of them sat quietly in silence with their arms embraced around each other, and for a moment nothing else actually really mattered.

"I still had some unfinished business down here," he grinned, trying to comfort and give her the gratification of his presence until she abruptly pulled out of the hug.

"You're a complete idiot...that car could have killed you." she kept yelling at him and He just watched her messed hair and dimpled eyes that seemed to be lacking sleep for at least two day now as she desperately tried to sound mad or angry, but badly failing because her worry sounded stronger than anything else. "What were you thinking, running through the street like that!?"

Was he listening?

No. Probably not

She knew that as well.

He just sat on his bed and stared deeply into the hazel eyes that he once thought would never lose the cheerful glitter with a goofy smile while she kept going on and on anxiously, shaking her hands as she tried to explain what he almost lost. Pushing himself up, he finally felt a terrible pain in his back that must have been demolished after his reckless actions, but he forgot about the pain as fast as he recollected it when he noticed a huge 'Get well' board right above his head. With his left hand, he managed to get it from the wall, extending himself and placing it on his lap, and he was now looking at everything.

Brooke stopped speaking, and, as she was watching him look at it, she hoped he'd like her creation. His eyes were scanning through the hundreds of pictures and carefully picked words underneath. Everything he had done the last few months was pictured on it and the images of him and Peyton were overflowing the whole gallery, yet he couldn't find what he wanted. "Where is she?" he thought silently. No pictures of Brooke and him together were visible. Not until he looked under the photo that was covered by his hand. Angie was sitting on Brooke's lap as he was sitting beside her, embracing both of them. He thought back to the moment that seemed to be ages ago but was clearly carved in his mind. It was the last time he was a part of her life, he realized, and that thought made him sadder than he ever expected.

"All of us were afraid to lose you."

Slowly he lifted his head, and his eyes met hers once again, locked in an unbreakable stare. Even deadly tired with dark circles under her eyes, she looked marvelous. Nothing could bring down her beauty which was filled with delicacy and grace, something he admired more and more every day. He always saw her best side.

Brooke's cell started buzzing, and, looking at it, she sighed once more. "I have to go," she admitted, deleting 20 new missed calls, "I won't be away for that long..."

Hugging him once more, she stood up and walked to the door. For the second time today, his voice stopped her from touching the door handle.

"Maybe I wasn't thinking when I was passing that street...what if I was following my heart?"

She sadly smiled at him lightly, shaking her head, "You should rest..."

Seeing her walk out of that door felt maybe even worse than when she left him in senior year. He felt sadness taking over his heart. Stupidity had brought him so far that he wasn't able to turn back anymore. His life seemed to be fully written down after he chose to call Peyton in that airport. "You don't find love; love finds you" he remembered the old black man saying. Thinking back about his dream, he kept questioning himself about his corollary and illative inference. Vaguely his mind remembered the whole dream that seemed to be so simple and clear back then. His so called second 'moment of clarity' he repeated while his face smirked. Looking back at that dream in the airport, everything seemed to be so simple, but one thing wasn't clear now anymore. Why did he picture himself and Brooke in New York? His brain revoked a picture of himself being a popular novelist and Brooke having her huge company. Two things they clearly weren't now. She didn't had her company anymore and his second book failed epically.

Back then it all seemed so effortless...

One dream.  
Three lovely girls.  
Millions of possibilities.  
Immense amounts of happiness in the future.

…and yet so crucial.

One choice.

Back then that dream seemed to be the answer to all his problems and denials. It was simple. See the dream, pick a girl, live! Everything else would be solved and would fall back into its proper place.  
He had seen the dream.  
He had picked a girl.  
...live!?

He knew he forgot to make one part come true.

•••••• BRUCAS ••••••

Brooke hastily escaped the room that had been torturing her for two days now. Just as she thought that everything would be all right, she thought back on the reason that everybody was at hospital and how _she_ destroyed her friend's wedding. Without her stupid behavior none of this would have happened. Why did she have to be that incautious and mindless in that moment? Her soul didn't get that much time though to feel the taste of anguishing agony. Haley appeared out of nowhere and stopped her in the middle of her getaway.

"I got your message. How is he?" She asked her friend, hoping to get a satisfying answer back.

"He's awake," a reply so plain and easy yet so powerful.

Haley looked at her friend with unsure and definitely uncertain eyes, trying to get some grip on the situation "You told him?"

She simply shook her head. "He's not ready yet ..."

Haley nodded with an agreeing expression, yet her words seemed to be thinking differently, "It's gonna be much worse if he finds out later."

Brooke's eyes stared dejectedly at the ground as she struggled to answer, "I just couldn't tell him...he's way too fragile right now."

Haley embraced her friend, softly speaking into her ear. "Don't worry...It's all going to okay!"

The sad thing about it was that Haley wasn't sure if this was true. Two of her friends were facing a heartbreaking period in their lives, and one of them didn't even have a clue. Slowly pushing the door open, she waved her hand, "Wish me luck!"

•••••• BRUCAS ••••••

Brooke walked further until she reached the doors of the elevator. Captured inside these walls, she finally let out a sigh, happy that at least in this small space no one was watching her, and nobody would ever notice her breaking down like this. She had to be strong. Not only for herself, but others needed her help more than ever now. The two doors slowly opened, and, picking herself up, a whole new Brooke got out on the next floor. If there was one thing she could master, it was her feelings which she could hide deeply from everyone. Her emotions weren't that important in times like these.

Passing through the glass wall behind which innumerable masses of baby cribs filled with prematurely born babies, she walked until the end of the hall and stopped before the last room. Exhaling deeply for the last time, she exchanged sad nods with Nathan who was sitting on a couch and went inside.

Coming closer to the bed, she saw her blond friend lying on the bed facing the bright light that was mirrored in her tearful eyes while her hands were clenching a little baby shirt.

Without any words, Brooke lay herself next to Peyton and embraced her from behind bringing her as close as possible to her.

There are many moments in life that may turn everything upside down. We cannot accept the truth, we suffer. Either it's a big change or a little twist; almost everything can trigger it if the timing is right.

Even one simple word.

"I'm here, P. Sawyer."

•••

Now I'm trying to wake you up  
To pull you from the liquid sky  
'Cause if I don't we'll both end up  
With just your song to say goodbye

A Song to Say Goodbye - Placebo

•••

In the times of madness you discover your true friends. A friend is someone who, seeing another friend in tremendous pain would rather be the one experiencing the pain than to have to watch his or her friend suffer. Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself, and no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dream.

New experience.

Life is cruel.

We can't do anything about that. Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing what to do is the worst kind. Being lost, losing the values, and seeing the things that matter being slowly perished is the worst kind of torture there is. When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our bravery and eagerness to change, to pass the amazing improvement or the breaking downfall. At such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back; life doesn't stop. We cannot run away from our destiny because life will find a way to bring us back to the path that has been lain down for us anyway. Don't be scared.

Be brave.

Take risks.

Live!

Brooke stood in front of the coffee machine in the cafeteria while the dark substance filled her cup.

Coffee.

She thought about the last time that she had actually enjoyed it. The last few months it had become nothing more than a daily drug after her mother managed to take the last piece of the company out of her hands.

•••

When the tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace  
When you love someone but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?

And I will try to fix you

Fix You - Coldplay

•••

She might have lost her store which was now nothing more than another empty building down the road with a huge "For Sale" sign in front of it, but nobody could take away her persistence nor her talent. After losing her job as a costume designer, she wanted to start with her new line as soon as possible, and more than ever she wanted it to be a success. It wasn't about the money or the fame anymore. She had been there, and had no intentions to go back any time soon. It was all about some brown haired woman who didn't give crap about anyone but herself. If short nights, endless work hours, and deathly circumstances could contribute to the final product so she could her mother down and show her that she was more than a simple brainless designer, she was ready to make the sacrifice. She just needed to put that witch back in her place for being such a selfish egocentric, narcissistic spastic bitch.

"Throw that disgusting thing away," someone commanded, approaching her from behind. "It tastes more like medicine than actual coffee."

Turning around she saw Nathan standing next to her while he passed a beaker, "Extra foam."

Gladly she took it from him and thanked him with a nod. Holding the hot cup in her hands, she slowly took a sip, letting her lips enjoy the sweet taste of real Italian coffee while the caffeine rushed through her body, providing her with a new wave of energy.

"You should go home and sleep. You've been here way too long, Brooke." The look on his face was way more concerned than usual, and his eyes noticed how tired she must have been considering she'd stayed awake for more than 2 days. Messed hair and huge circles under her eyes revealed her fatigue, and this was not the cheery Brooke Davis he used to know, the girl who never used to leave the house without her classy looks.

"I can't leave them here alone," she shook her head, "Not like this."

Nathan was more than sure that she wouldn't want to listen to him, but he needed to convince her somehow for her own sake, "Except they are not alone...Haley and I will watch them. We both know that no one can help them. Only time can heal wounds. Go home! Rest! You need it more then anyone else." He sighed, looking at her face and knowing he was losing this battle, and there was no chance Brooke Davis would give in unless he used the big guns "...Sam needs you."

An image of Sam flashed before Brooke's eyes as she took another sip. She had totally forgotten about her teenager whom she'd left at home without further notice, and even though Brooke was sure she was probably doing alright, she felt bad for leaving her alone.

"I'm gonna be back tomorrow." She sadly responded, backing down. "Tell Peyton I love her and say to Lucas that he has to be strong."

Thanking him again for the delicious coffee, she told him goodbye and headed outside. Arriving at the parking lot, she got in her car and took the wheel firmly in her hands, trying to transfer the bad awareness into it. Feeling like she was failing, she let a small breath out and quietly rested her head on the wheel, feeling bad that she was this powerless when she needed the strength the most.

Starting the engine she drove off this awful place called hospital, a place she hated. There was almost nothing good about it. Either you were in pain or waiting impatiently, suffering for someone who was trying to get better.

The coffee might have given her a new energy burst, but she already felt her eyes closing as the other cars seemed to be moving by slower and her sight slowly started blurring. Closing her eyes for a second, she felt the calm relief and comfort overtaking her body. A loud and piercing horn made her reopen her eyes all of the sudden and kept her attention on the road. Luckily for her as she made the next turn she ended up in the familiar streets. Getting out of the vehicle, she stepped to her door and started looking for the keys in her purse when she suddenly realized the door was open.

Angrily she stormed inside, furious about the irresponsibility of her foster child. She yelled her name, "Sam! How many times did told you to close the door behi-"

Her lips stopped moving and her jaw dropped when she saw Julian in her kitchen. Sitting on a chair his Blackberry was lying in front of him as his fingers slowly played with it, a phone round turning round and round over and over again.

Seeing her back was much more difficult then he actually expected. He tried to form the right words not to scare her off but didn't know what to say.

"Hey…" he finally started.

Brooke also didn't know what she should be feeling at that moment. She was angry…because there was an intruder in her house. She was glad…because this was Julian…and he was back. She was annoyed…for how they left things and didn't talk to each other anymore. Finally. She was worried…because she didn't know what to say.

"What are you doing here?" Looking back at the door with an astonished look, she realized that he had no key to her house, "Did Sam let you in? Where is she?"

"She went to the Dixie Grill to meet with Jack."

Sigh. _Deep._

"Are you going to keep standing there or can we actually talk?" He motioned a chair in front of him with his eyes. "I've been calling you…you never picked up."

She raised the phone in her hand and gestured with her eyes. "I know."

Finally Brooke stepped closer and sat on the chair across from him. She didn't dare to look up and speak with him. The wound of their break-up wasn't healed yet, and even though she never wanted him to leave, she knew she couldn't have kept him without saying three simple words that meant almost nothing apart but had such a powerful connotation together. It was almost scary how they could turn two lives upside down.

"Why are you here?" she managed to ask after a long silence while they exchanged fixed looks.

"I missed you."

She knew this was coming yet she was caught completely off guard. This could not be happening again. Not after _HE_ left her. She was still scared to look up into his eyes, but nothing could stop his voice from reaching her ears.

"Miles can't truly separate me from what I'm feeling for you...You might not acknowledge it yet, but if you want to be with someone you love, you're already there."

He stood up from his chair and came over to her, taking her hands in his. "I'm a complete fool, Brooke, for leaving you. You were not ready, and I was selfish to ask so much from you in such a short time. I was only self-interested, and after finding those letters I thought that you were still in love with him. I was scared you would leave me, and I knew my heart couldn't take that, so I did the only thing that seemed right to me."

He looked away, remembering one of the most painful moments of his life when she told him she couldn't marry him. The word 'sorry' was still killing him.

"When I left you and arrived in L.A., I thought I could get you off my mind by trying to cover the heartbreak with huge amounts of work, but the only thing I could think about was…you. Nothing helped, and I wasn't myself anymore."

His hand slowly reached her chin and lifted it, making their eyes meet.

"I love you, Brooke Davis, and I have made the biggest mistake of my life…"

No tears escaped that should slowly slid down her cheeks, but neither where they far away. There was no holding back, but this Brooke Davis was stronger now. Devastating memories kept cleaving her heart and penetrating deep inside. "Don't you all make that mistake?"

Julian took her tenderly in his arms. "Brooke, I love you and I need you in my life. You changed me, you changed me when I thought it was impossible … I need you."

Hearing the words I need you brought Brooke somehow to the hard reality of things, letting her mind leave the world of overwhelming thoughts and desolating memories.

"Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed."

She pulled away.

"Lucas has just survived a car accident, and Peyton lost her child. They need me more then you do."

Julian was taken back by these words. He didn't know this was happening with Peyton again. When they were together she had lost their child, and that had been the most devastating moment in his life … That until Brooke refused his proposal.

Peyton must have been broken once again.

"Brooke … I'm not willing to take you away from you friends. They need you … I know. But you have to allow yourself to be happy as well and stop chasing misery. Let me make you happy again, Brooke."

He knew his words probably didn't mean anything to her right now. This was Brooke Davis after all. She cared way too much about people around her and always kept giving without remembering to receive something back as well. This was maybe the most selfless person in the world. She protected her mending heart with greatest worry in the world though. There were only a few moments in her life she would open up, and he needed to be there when that happened. For now … there was nothing he could do but wait and hope.

Life is cruel. We can't do anything about that. Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing what to do is the worse kind. Being lost, losing the values, and seeing the things that matter being slowly perished is the worst kind of torture there is.

He quietly sighed and took his phone from the table. This was useless…for now at least. Heading to the door, he turned around for the last time.

"I came here back for a reason, Brooke Davis…I'm not giving up on you!"

_____________

• **Dedication** •

Yeah yeah ... it's true ... this Chapter goes to my Harddrive seller on eBay cause he was an asëm dude who gave me free shipping

^_^

• **Thank you very muchos!** •

_Thanks again ! I don't have much time to reply this time though __cause I need hurry up with writing today. Sorry for the lame short replies, but I really have no time _**x_x**

Next time better!

#1 PrincessOnyx aka Kitty!

Well Kasey you were here in time again so you can get my awesome wo_OW!? smiley for that. It's yours! Cherish it!

#2 xnxdx

Always happy to see people from chapter one returning. I think we can do better than psycho Derek though ... Why not kill two/three birds at once!? I say we let Peyton get into the Mia Chase relationship and let them hack and slash each other off.

#3 Princesakarlita411

I love answering questions

_Will he remember his dream_? YES  
_Will Julian return?_ YES

I think Lucas is finally in good hands now that I'm writing. Okay ... maybe too much ego ^_^

#4 StepyLuvsBL4EVA

Woohoo ! For once I had the best day chapter. I think that deserves a matching daily reward.

Nah just kidding, but thanks anyway o_O'

#5 Psiek aka Phearywinkle

Okay I was actually psyched reading your review, seriously! I think I've reread it like 10 times already which is kind of 'wauw'. Too bad I can't give you a decent reply right now cause the clock is ticking, be careful for the next time though ... it's on Pheary!

#6 Meaghs aka Meaghy

In case you didn't know Meaghs. I'm totally working on that BL for you in the RP. You'll love it. Or maybe not

Actually you don't have a choice.

You're stuck with me playing Brooke.

#7 toddntan aka Toddix

Three words. Seyton sucks ass !

Another thing I need to say is ... I can't instantly make Brooke the happy Season 1-3 Brooke again. Although she won't be the crying emo bitch in this fic, Seyton can perfectly fulfill that job and die trying we'll slowly see a metamorphose with Brooke.

+ hate to disappoint you ... Sam is alive and well, another mistake of Mark I'm stuck with

#8 moonkisss

I wish Mark just would leave Brooke alone sometimes.

I hated cheesy Chase. Let the Laguna boy go back.

I hated the tarted Owen. I was really bored with them.

I didn't have anything against Boolian till Mark decided to rush everything up and screwed them completely. I hate them now together.

#9 DANI OTH aka Dani

I'm so foking pissed at myself that I didn't give you in the right time. Urgh!

I was able to recover this one cause Kitty did all the corrections already, but I never mailed the other one to anyone.

#10 Kimberlli

Lemme just say this... THANK YOU! I think Peyton is going to die just cause I'm bored, not cause she matters though O_O

#11 brookenlucas4eva03

Asap ? I'm failing in that departement since '02

Maybe I'm just born backwards.

#12 Troypay 4 Life

I think someone probably even told Mark what's the best way to bring Brucas back, but he ignored that fact just like the BL fanbase in season 6

#13 one tree hill lovin actress aka Mel

Hey Mel, you got like a super cool long name that I wont remember. Can't wait anymore and want to read more? Try to bribe my beta then.

#14 rosseyanna

Nope, Sam is not an angel x_x

I have no idea what I'm going to do with her in the future though

#15 gigga

I bet you were 'typeless' reading the second part ^_^

#16 dianehermans

Of course Lucas loves Brooke, he might be infatuated by Seytons hex sometimes, but once in a while the stupid fag knows what to do

#17 CherryAndBroody4eva

Another Woot coming up! I never was a big Keith fan, but I thought if I brought him into the dream it would be more like death than just a dream o_O

#18 Anne-Sophie24

So much waiting for such a common chapter ? Yeah well ... it's not getting better in the near future.

#19 BDavisLScott23 aka Michelle

I didn't know I was writing fics 6 months back as well. These things just happen ^_^

• **Albert's note** •

I've got one thing to say before I leave. The updates will be coming way faster now.

**BUT**

CLICK that damn button "reply" button


	4. Neverlost

________________________________

**The Greatest Act of Love is Sacrifice**

_Hope is last to die. Therefore, the one giving faulse and fake hopes is a murderer._

_Now ... Fuck you Mark!_

______

• **Disclaimer** •

We've all read this part like 3 times now. I hate these stupid rules. So just scroll lower already … I don't own any of the lyrics posted here. One Tree Hill or any of these character aren't my property as well. I love quotes and use them all the time and everywhere, this chapter is probably full of it, but those aren't mine either... maybe a few though. I never intended to break any rules. End copy paste.

&

Enjoy!

• **Author's note **•

I know this is getting like super annoying by now, but seriously ... **FREAKING** **THANK ALL OF YOU** for the asem replies. It's really kooi ( -- the new word for cool ) to see people supporting something you love to do.

So yes it's not an illusion … I decided to put two chapters online. Yes you can call me an idiot, but this will kind of fast forward the emo Seyton lost the baby process which really had to be there and give me my chance to set the place ready for the astonishing chapter 6 aka chapter 10 for the others here, which was my intentional intention btw. I hate that emo bitch, but I can't decide what to do with her yet, she still has a place in the story with a slow self destruction and I needed her to see me bringing back the spark in the BL chemistry anyway to torture her sick soul which Mark tried to steal btw … cough cough … Pretty Girl? Dance with me? You pathetic son of the bitch! If you can't make anyone love your whiny asscouple don't try taking away our beautiful moments.

Give me a shovel and I'd be more then happy to massacre his head for all the shit he has pulled us through.

I swear this horsefucker will pay one day for his ass tricks and for the one who didn't knew Boolian is a rushed fail in my eyes and up till now they have greatly lived up to the name.

_____________

CHAPTER 4 – **NEVERLOST**

_____________

•••

All the doors are closing I'm tryin' to move ahead  
And deep inside I wish it's me instead  
My dreams are empty from the day, the day you slipped away

I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go  
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end  
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me  
But still I have to say I would do it all again  
Just want you to know

_Just want you to know - Backstreet Boys_

•••

Two month had passed…61 Days filled with sorrow and heartbreak in a torment of agony. Time to grieve and search for remedy against the desolation. Time that seemed to be lasting forever while each second slowly replaced another when all you needed was to end this as fast as possible.

Time is the most indefinable yet compounded of things; the past is gone, the future is coming, and the present becomes the past even while we attempt to define it, and, like the flash of lightning, at once it exists and expires. Time always brings something new to your life...but who can understand its language and measure its mystery? We try to translate it, defining it with seconds, minutes, hours, years…but at the end of the day no one knows what it really means because in one second everything might change what has been propping up the whole year. Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can decide how it will be spent. Just make sure you'll spend it right!

"I just don't understand any of it…" a raspy voice announced.

Brooke was sitting on a barstool holding a hot cup of tea while Haley washed the dishes after the meal.

"She needs her space as well, Brooke." Haley looked up with a concerned look on her face, taking a dish sponge in her hands. "I'm sure she loves you for everything you've done for her over the past few months, but it's time for her to stand back on her own feet."

A small fork pierced heavily through a slice of cake, breaking off a piece. "She's not ready…yet."

Brooke groaned as pouted lips quickly devoured the fresh cut cake. Trying to change the subject, her eyes fell on her god son who kept running back and forth bouncing his basketball.

••••••••••BRUCAS••••••••••

"Are we still playing or what?" Nathan won easily, taking the basketball away from his distracted brother. Without any further trouble, he threw the ball through the hoop.

Realizing once again that he lost the ball, Lucas turned his head to his brother, "I'm sorry, man, but I told you I was probably going to suck." He sighed, showing his desperation by raising his hands and letting them fall down at the same time. "The only reason I actually came here is because I missed the River Court."

And he was somehow glad he was here. Both boys headed to the benches. Sitting on the hard wood, both of them looked in front of them knowing what their conversation would probably be about.

"You need to come outside more. You need to breathe again!" Nathan began. "So does Peyton. Both of you need to pick up the dread and get over it. This is just an end of one chapter, but the book is far from finished."

Or was it time for a new book?

Lucas mind froze at the word 'it'. The last two months had been killing him, and if it wasn't for his friends he would never be able to make it. "Thanks," Lucas responded trying to take his advice and to keep himself on it "…for everything."

Nathan shook his head as he smiled at his brother. "Don't thank me. If you should be thanking anyone, it's probably Brooke."

Once again he was thinking of Brooke…and with what greatness and grace she served everyone in her life, always putting everyone in front of her. He didn't know where the brunette found such a great source of strength and energy with which she could compensate his and Peyton's weakness and ache. She had been there for them the whole time, making sure they were okay, comforting and supporting them along the way. After Lucas got released from the hospital and got back home, he had to face Peyton for the first time. Grief and pain were battling in his heart, and he tried to be strong for her, knowing that the hurt much have been twice as strong for her. He wanted to comfort her, to tell her what to do, to tell her everything would be alright, but he simply couldn't do it or say anything to make it better. He couldn't do anything to relieve the torture that was in both their hearts and that made him even worse. So he did the only thing he could do…he tried to stay strong for Peyton, to give her all the help and support she could get. He could have never held out so long and would probably be broken down after the first day of his attempt if it wasn't Brooke who noticed him hiding and avoiding of his own feelings. "It's okay…" she told him one night. He was able to resist crying the whole day even though seeing Peyton break down time after time in front of him made him weaker, and he tried to be a man, picking himself up, yet he was sobbing like a lost child on her shoulder a few moments later. He cried and cried. He cried for the loss of something he hadn't met yet. He cried for the pain that was consuming his heart without him being able to stop it. He cried for all the things he had lost in the past and knew could never be his again. At last he cried for the cruelty life had punished him with. "You save people, Brooke Davis, it's who you are." He'd told her that once, yet only at that moment did he truly realize how much he had been right. Without her kindness the world could never make it.

…At least he couldn't.

He slowly stood up again and turned around to watch the river now.

"I just don't know if I can let her be alone yet." Rotating his body and looking at Nathan, "She's not ready."

••••••••••BRUCAS••••••••••

"Brooke, you can't keep doing what you're doing either!" Haley responded, now drying the first dish. "Not only is it not healthy for you, but you have to think about Sam…" Hesitating for a moment, she finally added "…and Julian."

Brooke looked up from her seat, wondering why she would bring that up, but seeing Haley's curious eyes she already had her answer.

"What's the whole deal with him by the way!?" she added.

_"What was the deal?"_ Brooke kept thinking. He came back two months ago claiming the he couldn't live without her and until now, he kept the reputation of his words up pretty well. As much as Brooke was there for Peyton and Lucas, he tried to be there for her.

"I don't know…" Brooke replied, "He's really sweet, and he's so good with Sam, but I just-"

"You're just too scared?" Haley interrupted.

Was she scared?  
Maybe.  
Maybe not.

She just didn't want to end up in such a mess again. Torn between the choices she had to make that would change her life drastically.

Haley left her place at the sink and walked over to Brooke, hugging her.

"It's okay to be scared, honey."

••••••••••BRUCAS••••••••••

"Listen," Nathan stood up as well, "you can't keep running from your life." His eyes met Lucas' dull ones in a conflicted stare. Breaking the contact, Lucas bent down to pick up the ball.

"I know it came down pretty hard on you, ending the film production, the car accident, this," he pointed with his finger at Lucas' body and attitude, "but you were happy before. You had everything you wanted."

'Everything you wanted' kept replaying in his ears as the world suddenly seemed to slow down and everything started to blur in his eyes. He indeed remembered being happy. Lucas looked at the basketball he was firmly holding in his hands. This was the reason why he met Peyton, Nathan…Brooke. The thing that had changed him so much. He spun the orange ball in his hands.

Closing his eyes, he inhaled the cold air and raised his hand. "Well, if that's the case, call upon destiny or providence or whatever forces are gonna bring you two together and make the shot." Without aiming he threw the ball in the air, and as it flew through the air he heard the sweet voice that was secretly hidden deep down somewhere in his mind disappear, reawakening his unconsciousness.

Three seconds later the sound of the metal net rang in their ears while the ball passed through it. Opening his eyes, Lucas looked at Nathan convinced about something more than ever.

"Did I?"

••••••••••BRUCAS••••••••••

A leaf fell down from the tree and covered the tear on the ground. Sitting on her knees, Peyton laid white lilies in front of her mother's grave. Can we seek help from a deceased person when visiting his grave? Can we pray directly to him and request him to grant us our needs? Peyton didn't know, but she deeply believed that every time she came here and talked to her mother, she was quietly listening to her.

"Mother…" she started as tears slowly started filling up her eyes again. She came to it in the morning, before the cold air filled with the sounds of lounging cars. She came bearing gifts, an armful of fresh flowers or some plastic ones for when cold took over. Talking to a grave seemed useless to some, but Peyton knew better. She knew deep down that she wasn't just talking to the cold stone in front of her. There was life after this one and she could feel that.

She could feel that as much as her mother who was probably sitting next to her and watching her daughter while she told her for about her grief and loss, about how much she needed her mother, about the pain in her heart that never seemed to go away. Peyton just wished she could see her again…or get an answer. She talked to her about everything, but she really needed a confirmation to be sure she was acting right.

"Give me a sign!" she desperately yelled at the end, but nothing other than the cold silence echoed. Slowly she stood up and went to the back, yet she didn't say goodbye this time to her mother. She walked further…away from the place of the dead.

She drove back home.

A home that didn't feel like home anymore. A place that seemed to have forsaken her. A world that didn't like her presence as it used to. Suddenly her car stopped at the bridge. She stepped out of the car and walked to the middle. Coming closer to the end, she saw the water swirling under her, proceeding further and further. It never seemed to stop and constantly changed its form

Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current; no sooner is a thing brought to sight then it is swept by and another takes its place, and this too will be swept away.

She stepped over the edge and looked once more at the inviting current. Closing her eyes she quietly whispered once again as tears found a way down her cheeks. "Just give me a sign."

Nothing more than the piercing silence was the answer.

•••

That since I lost you, I lost myself  
No I can't fake it, there's no one else

I just want you to know  
That I've been fighting to let you go  
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end  
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me  
Just want you to know

_Just want you to know - Backstreet Boys_

•••

Loosening the grip, she let her hands go of the bridge. Her body slowly fell forward as she pushed herself away from the edge.

Time always brings something new to your life...but who can understand its language and measure its mystery? We try to translate it, defining it with seconds, minutes, hours, years…but at the end of the day no one knows what it really means because in one second everything might change what has been propping up the whole year.

Peyton always thought that at the end of life, she would see her life flashing by and would find herself at the end of the white tunnel.

•••

Still falling  
Breathless and on again  
Inside today  
Beside me today  
Around broken in two  
Till your eyes shed  
Into dust  
Like two strangers  
Turning into dust  
Till my hand shook  
With the way I fear

_Into dust - Mazzy star_

•••

A strong hand grabbed her arm and severely pulling her back.

That day was yet to come.

For one who is indifferent, life itself is a prison. Any sense of community is external or even worse, nonexistent. Indifference means solitude. Standing alone at the edge of the world looking through the loner's eyes we see emptiness. Those who are indifferent do not see anything else. They feel nothing for others and are unconcerned with what might happen to them. They are surrounded by a great emptiness. Filled by it, in fact. They are devoid of all hope as well as imagination.

A few seconds ago Peyton Sawyer had lost the last bit of hope that was still hidden in her heart. Her life wasn't worth living anymore, and the pain she was feeling wasn't manageable anymore.

It was cold. She couldn't feel anything.

Funny.  
She didn't mind.  
Indifference.

That. Until a strong hand fiercely pulled her back.

Everything was already gone for her, pulling her back to the grey reality was nothing more than a punishment she had to complete. The pain she had to take with her, the pain she couldn't avoid or escape.

There was no time to wonder why anymore. You can't run away from your fate. It was as simple as that. Still looking in the water, she saw a picture of herself slowly sinking into the deep ground, letting all her troubles be washed away.

"I...I don't need this." She whispered, choking with her own words.

Turning her head and, finally facing each other, he saw red eyes still filled with fresh tears looking at him and tearing him down, and he quickly helped her over the board again. In one swoop she was on the other side already, but losing their balance, they fell on the hard concrete.

One minute of silence. Two souls lying on the ground.

He. Holding her tight and preventing any pain from the fall. His eyes looking at the sky while the white clouds slowly passed above him.

She. Silently lying with her head on his chest and staring in front of her at the never ending road, trying to find the end of the white stripes of the dark asphalt. Still trying to avoid the inevitable.

"What were you thinking."

This wasn't a question; he probably knew the answer. This wasn't a statement either; no message was transferred. There was no anger in that voice. No ire. No disarray was to be heard. Just doubt.

Seeing him here and now, saving her from the downfall, helping out...giving a sign...should make her to stop herself from falling to pieces, stop her from feeling like sleeping alone in the day and being awake at night, helping to kill the pain or at least redeem it for a second, but she didn't feel any of it. Why didn't anything change in that second?

Why was she the same.  
Broken.  
Peyton.

"Give me one good reason," she replied, avoiding his words. The flood of tears was ready to pour down yet she was holding it back while her words were spinning in the air, making her drift away from him. Finding salvation in pain, trying to hide in it and run away from every single memory of the good or bad had been her plan. Her deliverance of relief that was taken away from her like everything else.

He slowly stood up and helped her stand with him, "I don't need to. You already know all of them."

Looking at his watch, he walked to his car and opened the door nodding for her to get in, "But I'll give you two."

Still resisting any contact, she kept sitting on the cold ground and after another minute she got herself to do what he said.

Starting the engine, they drove away. Another moment of silence took over the ride and neither of them spoke. He looked at her even more than at the road while she tried to avoid his concerned look and instead looked through the window. What could they say?

Words couldn't show them what this all was about.

The car stopped just a bit later in front of a kindergarten. Hesitantly and scared, Peyton turned her head at him and then back to the kids running outside. She didn't dare move.

Why was he trying to make her suffer more? This was something God didn't want to grant her. Only remembering her loss already hurt so much, and seeing other children run around and play with each other, she didn't know what she was supposed to do anymore.

"Why did you bring me here?" She looked at him as he came to her side opening the door.

"Because you want to be here."

Taking her hand, he helped her get out of the vehicle, and both of them stepped closer to the rails that were preventing the kids from getting out.

He could feel her mind being slowly tore apart while both of them were staring in front of them. Turning his head, he saw the sadness in her eyes eating her from inside.

Slowly his hand reached for hers.

"If you swear that there's no truth and that no one cares, how come you say it like you're right. Don't be scared of something that you lost if it's the salvation that you seek."

He slightly squeezed her hand, letting her know he was right here. That she wasn't alone with this. This time she turned her head, but he wasn't looking at her anymore, nor was he looking at the kids in front of him.

His eyes were looking up at the sky, "Every night I see stars clear above my head, knowing that most of them have been dead for years yet the shining light lives on, brightening the dark sky. The idea just lives on."

His other hand went to inside pocket of his jacket. Taking out a photo he placed it in her hands.

She carefully looked at the familiar picture; her eyes were fully on the small piece of paper as he stepped forward and leaned fully against the trails.

"It still hurts. I still wonder what it would be like." He stopped, choking at the thought.

Gasping for air, he quickly turned around "...But we got through this. You did! You found the way. And you helped me out!"

She looked up and saw his eyes were filled as much with salty fluid as hers while his hands were on her shoulders, trying to give her the power she was lacking.

Their eyes locked, he continued, "I remember that all the time, it seemed like I was misplaced between the past and future. For that time of sorrow, a second in my lifetime felt like the world was flying by, and I hadn't been gone very long, yet it felt like forever."

He closed his eyes, trying not to get lost in his own painful memories, but he needed to tell her so he could remember as well. "I still know I wasn't sleeping at night anymore, and, when I was, it felt like my head was full of pesticide. I had no plans in all this time and felt too restless to unwind, always lost in every thought."

"Just like you are now, I was nowhere."

"Until one moment."

He took her hands that were still firmly holding the echogram in his again . "Letting go is the hardest thing in the world. If you won't, it will take you with it."

She looked aside, avoiding his stare and remembering the old memories that threw acid on the fresh wound. Of course she remembered what happened before.

"I know how you feel," he started again, "but we have both gotten through this before. You can do it again."

She wanted to say something yet she couldn't. He knew what this was like, but even more importantly, he knew how to get through this and somewhere along the way she had forgotten. And maybe she wanted to forget.

"Life isn't over, and everyone is still waiting for you." He continued, "Sometimes bad things must happen before something great begins." He sadly smiled at her.

She already knew these words. It was exactly what she had told him after the miscarriage she had when she and Julian lost the 4 month old baby. Their child never got to see the light and yet its parents fell in the darkness.

"Remember what you told me!? "

Standing alone at the edge of the world looking through the loner's eyes, we see emptiness. Those who are indifferent do not see anything else. They are surrounded by a great emptiness. Filled by it, in fact. But what if we are not looking through this loner's eyes anymore?

He came closer and pulled her into a deep hug.

•••

It was you  
Breathless and tall  
I could feel my eyes turning into dust  
And two strangers  
Turning into dust  
Turning into dust

_Into Dust - Mazzy Star_

•••

The two just stood there in the middle of the way in front of a kindergarten like two lost souls that had just found each other. Her chin on his shoulder, she whispered in his ear.

"You're not alone."

_____________

• **Dedication** •

I donno … who ever wants it can claim it ^_^

• **Danke ****schön****!** •

#1 Koumi11 aka Artemis

Okay okay … See! I uploaded everything just so I can put the last chapter online. I think it will be uploaded here very very shortly now. Okay like super fast, but this is not a promise! I suck at those.

*nods head*

You'll get to read it as first if you'll behave

#2 PrincessOnyx aka Kitty!

Pshhh, what's up with that chapter 10 and everyone asking for it. It's not even that good.

I

okay that was a lie, I love it ^_^

#3 toddntan in the role of Toddy the Seyton slayer

I bet you really wished the bitch would take Julian with her in the pit of doom when she jumped of that bridge, but seriously! Come on! I want Seyton to die a memorable way and I'm still pro watching Hannibal Lector taking off slowly all the pieces of her skin and sprinkling a mixture of acid and water over body. This might sound sick but it's a beautiful spectacle in my eyes.

Seyton will die and it will be extremely asem! I'm pretty sure of that.

#4 Princesakarlita411

That's a very interesting question actually. Just cause I hate them together I would actually never slaughter them in a fic and since my friends push me constantly in the Brulian direction I do occasionally write something for them, but I'm not gonna mess with you. This is a Brucas fic and Julian actually doesn't even stand a chance in my opinion, but then again I write for my readers so the story really can take another course if people keep whining about it.

Now that I think about it … I think I'll try to prove in the future that Brulian will never measure up to the breathtaking feeling Brucas gave us though.

#4 Angleico3156789

Aint those words pure true? You're totally right that Brooke deserves for once be fully the attention of the story and not so sidelines girl. I love Brooke to death cause she's such a beautiful soul. Yes she makes faults, but she knows how to correct them too. You should get a medal for telling the truth!

#5 PeachyKeen83 aka Chrissy

Well thank you love for such an amazing review! I see you've learned from the master how to analyze the story without paying attention to everything else. I actually wanted to ask you when are we gonna see more of your fic on

Seriously? I think I lot of people will really love it once they get in the middle of that story cause you perfectly beated Mark's ass with your ideas and such realistic writing.

#5 brookenlucas4eva03

Two chapters enough for ya? Enjoy!

#6 realitysickness

One of the things I do is simply plant a seed and see what comes out of it. Chapter two is important through the whole story and things from it come back frequently. As a writer I think BL will have a pretty good built up in this story since that's like the best part ever. That's why we all fell in love with Brucas and never understood Pucas who just got together within 24 hours. True love should not be hard? Fok the person who said that cause it's a total bullshit. Fact.

#7 one tree hill lovin actress aka Melody

Your name still sounds so asem in my ears! I could just keep repeating it forever. I'll do my best putting next chapter up as fast as possible, but this will mean less Role Playing though.

I didn't know you had a fic O_O

#8 NYJOEY

Ow yeah! I love new readers. Makes me very happy ... actually a lot of things make me very happy. Sophia Bush could totally make me happy, okay and now I'm dwelling in the wrong direction.

Brucas is the best and I love saying this cause I know it's true and it should be said.

#9 psiek aka Phearywinkle!

Okay seriously ... I was totally phsyched reading your review all over again. I don't even know how to explain it cause it's so freakish amazing.

Seyton loosing a baby is just another thing I had to do to brake this bond Mark created between them after the 518 airport scene. Marriage? Destroyed! Baby? Lost! Love? It was never seen ...I really thought Brooke would be the one going Lucas would choose actually till I read the foking spoilers saying that our favorite hoe Peyton apeared at the scene. Maybe it's just me but watching that damn dream I was sure Brooke was the Queen of hearts and I'm still sure. EVERYTHING pointed it that way! Everything except Mark's dick.

I really hate that guy destroying my favorite show and making Brucas a joke last season. The bastard better hope I never visit America ... with a shovel.

#10 Invisible people who added my story to the favorites

Well actually thank you too! Everytime I see 4 new mails from fanfiction I let everything as it is and run off to see what mail I've got hoping there are 4 new reviews but get even more amazed seeing it's all from one person who left me a review and added the story or author to the favorites.

•**Albert's Notes•**

Yay! I've got a bit of my music back thatnks to this great thing called Internet. Be careful though ... you might get a PM now with a music link in it. Legal? O_O'

*whistles*

I don't care if you review one or two chapters but it would be really cool to read what you think


	5. Timeless Intentions

________________________________

**The Greatest Act of Love is Sacrifice**

La vie est un voyage, et l'amour est ce qui rend ce voyage valable.

The life is a journey, and the love is what gives value to this journey.

______

• **Disclaimer** •

Again? Yes yes yes here we go!

I don't own any of the lyrics posted here. One Tree Hill or any of these character aren't my property as well. I love quotes and use them all the time and everywhere, this chapter is probably full of it, but those aren't mine either... maybe a few though. I never intended to break any rules.

&

Enjoy!

• **Author's note **•

I don't have much to say … Emo part of the fic is almost done though so that's good news.

_____________

CHAPTER 5 – **TIMELESS INTENTIONS**

_____________

I tried to be perfect,  
But nothing was worth it,  
I don't believe it makes me real.  
I thought it'd be easy,  
But no one believes me,  
I meant all the things I said.

_Pieces - Sum41_

•••

Many fine things can be done in a day if you don't always make that day tomorrow. People will judge you by your actions, not your intentions, and you may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard boiled egg. Though it's amazing how MUCH you can learn if your intentions are truly earnest, and it's really difficult to say who does you the most harm: enemies with the worst intentions or friends with the best. Anyway, doing the right thing is all that matters. Just be sure you don't delay it until tomorrow if you can do it today because who knows where you might end up.

Lucas quietly came into the room and placed the metal pail with paint on the floor next to Peyton who was standing in front of an empty wall with her arms crossed on her chest. Just a second later he was already standing right beside her, looking at the same wall.

Feeling his presence she turned around, and their faces were staring at each other unsure about what to do. "Are you ready for this?" he finally asked, pushing the silence away.

Are you ready? Such a simple question with so much meaning. If she was actually ready this would be finally over. Nothing more. Period.

••• THREE DAYS AGO •••

All the doors in Lucas' house were made of dark wood, but this one was different.  
It had a deeper meaning.

Julian and Peyton were standing in front of the white door, and even though her hand was on the handle, she couldn't open it, even though there was no lock on the ivory door she just couldn't. It was something from inside that was keeping her out.

Gently his hand reached for hers, and together they slowly opened it and entered the room. The pink walls were fully decorated with photo's of the smiling couple and soft toys were lying everywhere to give the newborn baby a warm welcome.

...That was the intention.

Peyton stepped closer to the empty crib in the middle of the room and bent over with the last bit of hope that rested in her heart, wishing all of this was just a bad dream. The worst nightmare she had, but nothing more than a void in her heart was reawakened.

Julian came to her, but instead of looking in the crib, a large portrait on the wall caught his attention. It wasn't just another photo in a frame, but a hand drawn picture of Lucas and Peyton, both very happy, was shining on the wall. Peyton's signature was clearly written underneath. He looked back at her and realized she wasn't crying.

"_A small progress_?" he thought to himself. "We have learned a lot about life, and death." His hand touched hers. Maybe accidentally, or maybe because he thought he needed to. "The best way to cope is to let grief take its course. There is no right or wrong way to mourn. Nor to weep or to talk. Grief may take a while to emerge and may appear as anger or even jealousy." He swallowed, speaking out his own words "...But coping with other people's attitudes is always difficult, so try to understand what their intentions are when all you can feel is a deep pain eating you up from inside."

He took the picture from the wall, and they both were looking at it now. "I'm sure the loss of your baby was a genuine shock to everyone, not only you. Some people think that referring to the baby will make you upset. You and I both know it's something we have to pass and get through." He stopped talking, and their eyes were intervened in another stare, trying to understand each other. "Don't avoid what happened, and if you don't want to open your heart, then don't, just acknowledge that sometimes you need to talk."

Julian pointed at Lucas on the photo.

"Fathers too, need remembering. They are forced to continue their daily roles as normal, but sorrow may creep up at unexpected times and take them unawares. Men do feel that lost promise very deeply."

He put the portrait in the crib, and he was fully staring in her eyes. "I hope you will have other children, that they'll be strong and healthy. You're 23. You have plenty of time for kids. Sure you'll worry every day of your next pregnancy and be aware of all the things that can go wrong, but don't let that bring you down because I'm sure that you'll be a great mom."

She tried to be strong before, but hearing someone calling her mom just broke her heart all over again.

He carefully hugged her. "You'll be alright." And being wrapped into two strong arms, she really hoped he was right. That all this would turn out okay anyway.

She quickly wiped away her tears. "Let's get this over with."

He pulled away slowly and nodded to her. After that they started collecting everything into boxes, sorting all the stuff in two different kinds. Almost all the stuff was put in the large boxes and a black box once used to remind her daughter who she was if she never got to see her mother was barely filled. Just two photos, a little fluffy bear, and some baby clothing. Julian was already carrying the large boxes out of the room and putting them in his car when Peyton decided to take the "Team Peyton" shirt out of the round black box.

Not that much longer they drove back to the place where she tried to kill herself just a couple hours ago, but instead of staying at the bridge, they went down to the riverside. He looked at her for the final permission, and she shook her head yes.

One moment had changed everything in her life. It stopped time for her and...

2 months full of burning heartache had passed.  
61 days of sorrow,  
1464 hours of hurt,  
87.840 minutes of pain,  
Millions of seconds and one never ending heartbreak.

All in **one** moment.

Everything from the nursery was thrown together now on a big fire.

The cold air was surrounding her while her bloodshot red eyes kept looking in front of her at the burning massacre. Salty water ran down her cheeks out of infinite source.

Her eyes were still on him while her hands were still holding a baby outfit with "Team Peyton" on it.

Stupid hope.

Her thoughts were overflowing her mind, tearing her apart; even in her soul she had to choke as she remembered the past

"We couldn't save the baby" still kept ringing in her head. Doctor's words still very clear in her head. Every one of them stabbing her right in her heart.

She took another look at the textile she was still holding. "I'm sorry Miss Sawyer" were his last words.

One more tear escaped her sadness filled eyes and fell right on the tiny shirt.

She slowly closed her eyes as another tear escaped.

"G-...Goodbye."

She threw the shirt on the fire.

The wind slowly took the ashes in the air, caressing them further in the air while her dolorous eyes kept looking up in the sky.

Both Julian and Peyton stayed there quietly until the end of the day, thinking what would happen next, recollecting the last pieces of the day.

Peyton finally looked away from the fire on the bridge above her, "Please don't tell anyone."

Julian was snapped back from his thoughts immediately, and looking at her he understood what she meant. Even though he would have to keep this away from Brooke, he was happy to see that Peyton was acknowledging the feeling of shame again.

"Don't worry about that," he whispered, and silence overtook the place once again.

••• PRESENT DAY •••

Feeling Lucas' presence, Peyton turned around, and their faces were staring at each other, unsure about what to do.

"Are you ready for this?" he finally asked, pushing the silence away.

She sadly smiled at him, "Ready? I don't know...You never 'get over' the death of a child; we just have to learn to live with our grief. At first I thought about it every waking minute. Now I realize that the sad and the frightening memories are fading."

She took the paintbrush in her hands. "The fear and raw sorrow that ruled my life a few months ago has now gone."

She looked at him, remembering Julian's words. _"Fathers are forced to continue their daily roles as normal, but sorrow may creep up at unexpected times"_ flashed through her mind.

"I hope that you feel the same."

It's amazing how much you can learn if your intentions are truly earnest, and it's actually really difficult to say who does you the most harm: enemies with the worst intentions or friends with the best. Knowing intentions of others, understanding their behavior is hard, but it doesn't mean you have to stop trying. Doing the right thing matters, and doing it today makes it right, but knowing why you do it matters just as much.

He broke the eye contact, and, taking the paintbrush from her hands, placed a large paint stroke that slowly would cover the pink wall.

•••

If you believe it's in my soul,  
I'd say all the words that I know,  
Just to see if it would show,  
That I'm trying to let you know,  
That I'm better off on my own.

•••

"Let's get this over with."

Period.

••• BRUCAS •••

Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Our time in this life is limited. We will disappear from this world someday and our bones will turn into dust so we better not waste it living someone else's life. We can't let the let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, we must have the courage to follow our own heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. We are given one life only so let's enjoy it but without harming anyone. Don't try to find out everything at the same time as well. Life is all about timing so have the patience, wait it out and see yourself. The answers will be yours one day.

•••

Looking for something I've never seen  
Alone and I'm in between  
The place that I'm from and the place that I'm in  
A city I never been  
I found a friend or should I say a foe  
Said there's a few things you should know  
We don't want you to see we come and we go  
Here today, gone tomorrow

_Trust me - The fray_

•••

On the way to her comfortable couch Brooke took an apple from the basket in the kitchen and started rubbing the fruit trying to get it clean. Before reaching her final destination she saw a file with the sketches she desperately needed to finish on the cupboard and grabbed it along with her.

After all this time she still hadn't managed to launch her new line, but with the whole Peyton-Lucas-baby drama she thought it was an acceptable excuse for not being able to get it done yet. Even though Victoria, the CEO and now the full owner of "Clothes over Bros", always said that time is money and insisted on making decisions faster, Brooke was happy she never truly learned that from her ex-mother since she herself actually enjoyed what she did and loved her work. She just couldn't work when she knew that her friends needed her now probably more than ever and would rather sacrifice that time for them and switch it so she would be a part of another misery or a shoulder to cry for her friends since they were the only family she got left apart from Sam.

Sitting on the soft couch she opened the portfolio and her hand picked up the big pile of paperwork. Many hours were already spent creating all this, and she knew that even more would be lost before she finished her masterpiece. Before she could even skim through everything, the doorbell rang and, groaning, she closed the file and got up to open the door.

She didn't even need to open the door to know it was him since no one else knocked and rang the bell at the same time. As much as Brooke was worrying about Peyton and Lucas and their need to get over the loss of their child and start new and fresh again, Julian was just as worried about Brooke, hoping she would just stop caring about others and take some time to rest, giving some attention to herself. He was scared more then ever that it would be her selflessness that would bring her down one day.

Just as she expected, it was him.

"Hey, Julian, what's up?"

He was standing in front of her smiling with his typical grin and opening the door even wider invited him in.

"Thanks, Brooke. I was just in the neighborhood and decided to pass by." He said coming inside and looking around in the room.

She automatically cocked her eyebrow, trying to hold back her laugh. "You were in the neighborhood? Should I act surprised now?" she replied slowly, rolling her eyes just enough for him to see it, but he was already laughing at her facial expression as she stuck out her tongue at him and friendly punched shoulder.

"Ow shut up! You better not be messing with me." She couldn't help herself and started giggling, flashing him a bright smile "I've got news for you, Mr. Baker... don't you ever mess with Brooke Davis cause you might end up with severe injuries, and I'm not responsible for that kind of behavior."

His eyes grew wide, and she had to put her hand against her mouth once again so as not to burst out.

"...I'm just saying."

He put his both hands in the air surrendering in front of her. " Sorry, Miss Davis, wrong place, wrong time."

Almost nothing could wash away his smile at this moment, even though he wasn't sure if it was her attitude that made him feel this excited or the fact that she was fully glowing right now that attracted him this much and he knew he wouldn't be able to take his eyes from her anymore, not today at least. "I hope you can have mercy for a poor guy."

She nodded at him and went to the kitchen behind the bar, asking if he wanted something to drink, and, just like always, he declined her offer, leaving her always wondering if he just tried to get her to beg him drink something so he wouldn't dry out.

"Nah, I think I'll pass. How are you, Brooke?" he responded from her couch and soon she came back with a glass of water in her hands.

She plunged next to him and groaned quietly, letting him know she was exhausted. "Just a bit tired..." She took a pillow from beside her and, sitting in a Buddha position, placed it behind her back. "...and Sam is driving me nuts these days."

"What is going on with Sam? You know you can ask me for help don't you?" He wasn't joking around anymore and his eyes were looking seriously into hers.

"Nothing bad..." she sighed "...It's not that I don't approve or like her spending so much time with that Jack kid," the need for air seemed more than she expected to continue the sentence since their eyes were still locked. "I just don't want her to turn out like me."

"Turning out like you?" The world seemed to stop for him at this moment. "This caring person, a hard worker, and a loving woman that opened her house and her heart up to a girl from a street and loves her like a mother? Brooke, if she turns out to be like you, she will be a great person...you're amazing!" She was trying to look away, breaking the stare but his voice kept her attention, freezing her.

"You know what I meant."

"I'm not proud about who I was in high school." She chuckled, remembering her past as the hard truth passed trough her throat. "The worst part is that I'm a hypocrite, telling her what to do since I've done it all myself, and I know we are supposed to learn from our mistakes, but I'd like to skip that part for once." She sighed, leaning against the pillow. "I just hope she'll realize herself."

"You are far better than in high school, Brooke, and even though I didn't know you back then, I'm sure you were not as bad as you think. You were just lost and living without parents; you had to find your way through it. I'm sure as well that in good times and bad times, there was someone on your side for ever more."

"Peyton," she silently whispered, looking at the ground.

"...and that's what friends are for," he interrupted her quickly, "Sam, just like you, has to find her way trough this period of life, but she does have someone who she can ask for advice and someone to send her on the right way." Her cheeks were unwillingly blushing while his eyes kept looking at the shining star in front of them. "She has a mom, and you are great at it. Besides, I'm here any time you need help; you can call me and I'll be here."

Before he could even finish, Sam came out of her room and gave the duo on the couch a weird look. Brooke sat back and Julian pulled away, both of them looking surprised at Sam, and, when Brooke's fingers stopped playing with her locks, she finally said, "I didn't know you were home."

Sam rolled her eyes at Julian who was laughing as well, while Brooke was trying to avoid those two. "I just didn't want to interrupt you two, but since some boy called "that Jack" is waiting for me, I guess this were I say bye." Sam quickly waved and proceeded to the door. "Bye, Julian, and later, Brooke." She winked at Brooke and, before she could ask when she would be back, Sam shut the door.

Brooke turned her face back to Julian. "...and you ask me not to worry?"

"Yes, I do," he smiled. "Trust yourself, Brooke; trust the things you have been teaching and showing her. She is smart, and she knows what you want her to do." He held her hands very tight into his and looked into her eyes. "You are a great example; trust your daughter."

Looking in his eyes she found the friendly support she needed so much lately yet couldn't find once again. She needed to be sure that what she was doing was good and that she didn't forget about others as well. One simple confirmation that could give her strength to keep doing right was what she got from him. "Thanks," she whispered breaking the close connection of their eyes.

She was tired, and he knew it. She gave too much but always forgot to rest. He took the file with sketches that was back on her knees and laid it on the coffee table, closing it. She needed to finally distract herself from everything: Peyton, Sam, the new line, and anything else that was in her head torturing her. And he wanted to help her with that. He tried these last months so hard to get back into her life and slowly she was allowing him to come closer yet there was this distance between them that had yet to be broken.

"Brooke, I would like to take you to the movies. There is a nice movie showing in the cinema and I'm very sure you would like it, or we could do something else fun too. You need to go out, Brooke, distract yourself...Come on!" Julian grabbed her purse and handed it to her, pulling her by the hand to the door.

Being forced to move forward, Brooke did everything possible to resist at first, yet she let herself go with him, smiling at his eagerness until Julian opened the door, she suddenly stopped.

Watching outside in the dark something stopped her. It wasn't the white night that she was scared of. She just couldn't leave that door with him yet.  
Not yet.

Feeling that she stopped following, Julian stopped and turned around, loosening the grip.

"I'm sorry, Julian," Brooke stepped a few steps back and took her map from the table in her hands. Lifting it up, she claimed, "I still have to do a lot of work"

"I know you don't, Brooke...I just want you to distract yourself, Brooke, let me help you!" he pleaded coming inside again but leaving the door open. "It's not only Sam that is worrying you. What is going on, Brooke?"

What should she say! Admit that she was trying to hide in others problems just to avoid hers? Admit that she was afraid of confrontation with someone? Admit that she actually couldn't take it anymore? That it was all too much even for her? Or admit she was scared that she was more scared than ever to really open up to anyone anymore?

She opened the file with sketches again, and her eyes fell on the dress she had designed for Peyton's wedding. "It's just work."

"Brooke, look at me, everything is okay; you should stop running from yourself..." He touched her face so she would look at him..." You don't need work, you need rest, and if you refuse to go out, this is what we're gonna do," he stood up and went to the kitchen.

Thousands of thoughts were running through Brooke's head. Some about Peyton, about Sam, Julian, and...Lucas. Some thoughts stopped in her head, giving her time to think about what was happening and what she should do.

Julian came back from the kitchen bringing two pieces of delicious cake with two cups of tea. Placing the plate on the round table, he leaned back against the sofa again and placed his arm around Brooke. He looked at her as she slowly turned her head to face him. With eyes locked she quietly asked, sure about her words, yet scared about the meaning, "Julian, what are we doing?"

He smiled at her, pointing at the tea, "We're drinking tea."

This time she didn't smile back, and, understanding that she was serious, he took his arm away from her shoulder.

"You know what I mean."

"I'm trying to take care of you, Brooke. I'm trying to show you that I'm here for you. I'm trying to make you see that I will not give up. Never." He put his cup of tea back on the table and looked at her again. "I wish I could answer what are WE doing, but now, I only know my answer...Sadly, I don't know yours, Brooke..."

Brooke sat back on the sofa but he was the one taking a bit place between them getting her confused. "I've told you I'm not ready yet."

He heard those words more than once already and knew that her not being ready was not the only reason... there was something else as well that still hadn't left her alone and even it it hided somewhere deeply in her heart kept popping up from time to time, but he was set to fight for her. Holding all his emotions, he looked at her knowing this is the last time he'll see her for tonight so he wanted a clear image of her in his head even though he wouldn't forget any moment he shared with her tonight.

Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. Once you've lost it you can never get it back. Our time in this life is limited so we must follow our own heart and intuition since they already know what we desire and who we want to be. Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It's all about timing.

"Brooke, you won't be ready until you choose to open your heart, and I'm willing to wait for that to happen, whatever it takes, because I do love you, Brooke." She looked away from him with tears in her already watery eyes. "And be sure that I will be here when you are ready. I'm still here!"

•••

If I say who I know it just goes to show  
You need me less than I need you  
Take it from me we don't give sympathy  
You can trust me trust nobody  
But I said you and me we don't have honesty  
The things we don't want to speak  
I'll try to get out but I never will  
Traffic is perfectly still

We're only taking turns  
Holding this world  
It's how it's always been  
When you're older you will understand

_Trust me - The fray_

•••

He kissed her forehead and walked out the door.

"I'm still here."

_________________

•Dedication•

To the creator of Google. Even though I don't know the dude, he should totally be proud of himself

**•Thank U's**•

I'll keep it short … Dank je allemaal!

•**Albert's Notes**•

Woohoo! I'm so freaking happy that this emo Peyton talk is done! I swear I tried to make an Lp scene, but somehow ended writing about Julian instead. This was the last chapter in this fic where Peyton had a bit of meaning. I'm ready to write the Brucas vs. Brulian thing now!

Don't forget to review sweeties! New ideas are still welcome btw.

Your wish is my command!


End file.
